{"title":"Platypus","description":"\u003cp\u003eWhen scientists first got a platypus pelt in the mail, they checked it for stitches. A duck bill bolted onto a beaver body, with otter feet and a venomous spur, mailed from Australia in 1799 — the natural conclusion was fraud. They cut it open looking for thread. There wasn't any.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIt lays eggs. It also nurses its young, sweating milk through its skin because it never bothered to evolve nipples. It hunts with its eyes, ears, and nose sealed shut underwater, navigating instead by an electric sense in its bill, reading the heartbeat of shrimp in the dark. Aboriginal folklore tells of a duck who mated with a lonely water-rat and produced something too strange to belong to either family. They say the other animals held a council to decide which lake it belonged in. Nobody voted yes. It went in the water anyway.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eNo blueprint, no committee approval, no explanation offered or required. You don't design a platypus. You just end up as one, and then you keep swimming.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBuilt wrong. Still here.\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"howling-platypus-tee","title":"Platypus - T-shirt (unisex)","description":"\u003ch3\u003eAbout the garment\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis is a Comfort Colors 1717 shirt, built from 100% ring-spun cotton at 6.1 oz. The garment-dye process means the colour is soft and lived-in from the first wear. The fit is relaxed and unisex, with a twill-taped neck and shoulders holding their shape. Each shirt is printed one at a time, to order.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e100% ring-spun cotton, 6.1 oz\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGarment-dyed, so the colour is soft and lived-in from the first wear\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eRelaxed unisex fit, with a twill-taped neck and shoulders\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePrinted one at a time, to order\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ch3\u003eAbout the design\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eA platypus has no business howling at anything. It carries a duck's bill, a beaver's tail, webbed otter feet, and lays eggs like a lizard. Its hind leg hides a spur that delivers venom strong enough to put a grown man on the floor for a week.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe bill isn't for show. Eyes and ears shut underwater, it hunts by reading the electric hum of a shrimp's muscles through river mud. When the first skins reached Europe, naturalists supposedly took scissors to them, sure someone had sewn a hoax together. No seam ever turned up. Muzzle tipped back under a cold moon, it still doesn't explain itself, and neither should you.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Pepper \/ S","offer_id":58845277061384,"sku":"13458636553955318905","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pepper \/ M","offer_id":58748251013384,"sku":"95323694307306416186","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pepper \/ L","offer_id":58748251046152,"sku":"19999125335602836082","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pepper \/ XL","offer_id":58748251078920,"sku":"15308687033886742511","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pepper \/ 2XL","offer_id":58748251111688,"sku":"11231625774304326155","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pepper \/ 3XL","offer_id":58748251144456,"sku":"24400342687991777925","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1056\/9288\/9352\/files\/6597409926255071089_2048.jpg?v=1789660391"},{"product_id":"howling-platypus-longsleeve","title":"Platypus - Long Sleeve (unisex)","description":"\u003ch3\u003eAbout the garment\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis long sleeve starts with Comfort Colors 6014, a garment-dyed 6.1 oz ring-spun cotton blank cut in a relaxed unisex fit, with ribbed cuffs and a twill-taped neck and shoulders. Each one is printed individually, to order.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e100% ring-spun cotton, 6.1 oz\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGarment-dyed, so the colour is soft and lived-in from the first wear\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eRelaxed unisex fit, with ribbed cuffs and a twill-taped neck and shoulders\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePrinted one at a time, to order\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ch3\u003eAbout the design\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eA platypus is a contradiction that kept a straight face long before anyone asked it to explain itself. Duck bill, otter feet, beaver tail, venom spurs on the hind legs — it looks assembled from other animals' leftover parts. It lays eggs like a reptile, nurses its young like a mammal, and hunts with its eyes shut, reading the electric hum of a shrimp's heartbeat through mud.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eEarly naturalists in London supposedly checked the first specimen for stitches, certain someone had sewn a duck onto a beaver as a prank. You'd have checked too. Under cold moonlight, howling like every wolf before it, the platypus doesn't explain itself. It never has to.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Pepper","offer_id":58748260155656,"sku":"21528915998214473688","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Pepper","offer_id":58748260188424,"sku":"29868602265148669008","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Pepper","offer_id":58748260221192,"sku":"27247421164935802147","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Pepper","offer_id":58748260253960,"sku":"21569930226121837881","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Pepper","offer_id":58748260286728,"sku":"23217631193305020663","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1056\/9288\/9352\/files\/2597619739994740853_2048.jpg?v=1789660359"},{"product_id":"howling-platypus-sweatshirt","title":"Platypus - Sweatshirt (unisex)","description":"\u003ch3\u003eAbout the garment\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis sweatshirt starts on Comfort Colors 1566: an 80\/20 ring-spun cotton and polyester fleece with a 100% cotton face. It's garment-dyed to match the Moon Howlers t-shirt, so the two read as a set. The cut is a relaxed unisex crewneck with ribbed cuffs and waistband. Each one is printed to order, one at a time.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e80\/20 ring-spun cotton and polyester fleece, with a 100% cotton face\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGarment-dyed to match the t-shirt, so a set looks like a set\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eRelaxed unisex crewneck, with ribbed cuffs and waistband\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePrinted one at a time, to order\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ch3\u003eAbout the design\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eWhen the first specimen reached British scientists in 1799, they checked it for stitches. A mammal that lays eggs, nurses without nipples, and carries a venomous spur on its hind leg did not fit anywhere in the drawer. The bill is not decoration — it reads the electric field of a shrimp's muscle twitch in black water, eyes and ears sealed shut the entire time.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAboriginal Dreaming stories say it was born from a duck and a water-rat, which accounts for the bill, the tail, and its general refusal to specialize. On this shirt it howls at the moon exactly as straight-faced as the wolf ever did. You will not get an explanation out of it. Nobody ever has.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Pepper \/ S","offer_id":58748268347656,"sku":"62649338876745157675","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pepper \/ M","offer_id":58748268380424,"sku":"18215590156522678052","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pepper \/ L","offer_id":58748268413192,"sku":"95347160789088562590","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pepper \/ XL","offer_id":58748268445960,"sku":"21685403651630317192","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pepper \/ 2XL","offer_id":58748268478728,"sku":"24119312796138382502","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pepper \/ 3XL","offer_id":58748268511496,"sku":"19248412597071875906","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1056\/9288\/9352\/files\/16922860110939920042_2048.jpg?v=1789660375"},{"product_id":"howling-platypus-tote","title":"Platypus - Tote bag","description":"\u003ch3\u003eAbout the garment\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis tote is made from 100% cotton canvas, in black. The design is printed straight onto the bag, not patched or embroidered. Each one is printed one at a time, to order.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e100% cotton canvas, in black\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eThe design is printed straight onto the bag, not patched or embroidered\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePrinted one at a time, to order\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ch3\u003eAbout the design\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eWhen the first platypus skin reached London in 1799, naturalists assumed someone had stitched a duck's bill onto a mole and mailed it as a prank. It hadn't been. The bill holds electroreceptors, the tail stores fat, and a hidden spur delivers venom strong enough to drop a dog. It lays eggs, then closes its eyes, ears, and nostrils and hunts entirely by feel.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAboriginal Dreaming stories cast it as the child of a duck and a lonely water-rat, a bargain neither side honored. Supposedly that's why it belongs nowhere else on earth. On this bag it throws its head back at the moon anyway, as straight-faced as the wolf ever managed. You don't need an explanation. Neither does it.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ 15\" x 16\"","offer_id":58748276900104,"sku":"75877924348943407945","price":14.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1056\/9288\/9352\/files\/5877333537115624308_2048.jpg?v=1789660396"}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1056\/9288\/9352\/collections\/platypus-collection-1de9a41f.jpg?v=1789501597","url":"https:\/\/moonhowlers.store\/collections\/howling-platypus.oembed","provider":"Moon Howlers","version":"1.0","type":"link"}