{"title":"Sloth","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe sloth moves at four hundred feet per hour and has never once apologized for it. Algae grows on its fur. Moths live in that algae, laying eggs, running their whole tiny lives in the fur of something that hasn't hurried since the Eisenhower administration. It descends the tree once a week to relieve itself, on the ground, where the owls and the jaguars are, and nobody knows why it takes the risk. Scientists call this the \"sloth's paradox.\" The sloth calls it Tuesday.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSome Indigenous Amazonian legends say the sloth was sent by the gods to teach patience, and that it moves slowly because it's still listening to instructions nobody else waited around to hear. Supposedly it can hold its breath for forty minutes underwater. Supposedly its grip is strong enough to keep it hanging from a branch after it has died. It does not let go. It was never going to let go.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eYou already know what kind of week you've had. Buy the shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"howling-sloth-tee","title":"Sloth - T-shirt (unisex)","description":"\u003ch3\u003eAbout the garment\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis is Comfort Colors 1717, a garment-dyed tee built for repeat wear. The cotton is ring-spun, 6.1 oz, with a relaxed unisex cut and a twill-taped neck and shoulders to keep the shape honest. Each shirt is printed to order, one at a time.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e100% ring-spun cotton, 6.1 oz\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGarment-dyed, so the colour is soft and lived-in from the first wear\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eRelaxed unisex fit, with a twill-taped neck and shoulders\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePrinted one at a time, to order\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ch3\u003eAbout the design\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eA sloth has never won a race and never entered one. Its whole design runs on the smallest possible fire: a stomach with three slow chambers, a meal that takes a month to clear, a single tree treated like a lifetime address. The claws look ornamental until you notice they lock without effort — no muscle spent holding on, none spent letting go. Hanging upside down isn't a trick. It's rest.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAmazonian folklore supposedly held that the sloth was born half-finished, too unhurried to notice its own death arrive. The moon, they say, waited so long for the howl that it became a sigh — and started counting that as one. Wear it if you've ever finished last on purpose.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Pepper \/ S","offer_id":58845277225224,"sku":"29898710117473856960","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pepper \/ M","offer_id":58748279947528,"sku":"26277951927898780344","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pepper \/ L","offer_id":58748279980296,"sku":"23310839953090861429","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pepper \/ XL","offer_id":58748280013064,"sku":"56958460023801524035","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pepper \/ 2XL","offer_id":58748280045832,"sku":"20739205311905057833","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pepper \/ 3XL","offer_id":58748280078600,"sku":"19036379975622114624","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1056\/9288\/9352\/files\/16239597782848487649_2048.jpg?v=1789660476"},{"product_id":"howling-sloth-longsleeve","title":"Sloth - Long Sleeve (unisex)","description":"\u003ch3\u003eAbout the garment\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis long sleeve is printed on Comfort Colors 6014, a 6.1 oz ring-spun cotton with a garment-dyed finish, so the color already looks broken in. The fit is relaxed and unisex, with ribbed cuffs and taped seams at the neck and shoulders. Each shirt is printed one at a time, to order.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e100% ring-spun cotton, 6.1 oz\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGarment-dyed, so the colour is soft and lived-in from the first wear\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eRelaxed unisex fit, with ribbed cuffs and a twill-taped neck and shoulders\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePrinted one at a time, to order\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ch3\u003eAbout the design\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe sloth does not hurry for anything, including its own myth. It moves at about six feet a minute, digests a single leaf over weeks, and grows a small ecosystem of algae and moths in its fur. Up in the canopy it looks half-asleep and defenseless. On the ground it can outlast almost anything holding onto a branch, gripping with a strength that outperforms most animals its size.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSome Amazonian folklore holds that the sloth once outran every creature in the forest, then simply decided speed was no longer required. It still, they say, howls at the moon on its own schedule, whenever it gets there. Slow is not a flaw. It's a policy.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Pepper","offer_id":58748293742856,"sku":"16091691374929708871","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Pepper","offer_id":58748293775624,"sku":"26623930440479494161","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Pepper","offer_id":58748293808392,"sku":"31472067094254294606","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Pepper","offer_id":58748293841160,"sku":"15097648518261944345","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Pepper","offer_id":58748293873928,"sku":"15917240792056490275","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1056\/9288\/9352\/files\/6182843272136578676_2048.jpg?v=1789502182"},{"product_id":"howling-sloth-sweatshirt","title":"Sloth - Sweatshirt (unisex)","description":"\u003ch3\u003eAbout the garment\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis sweatshirt starts life as Comfort Colors 1566, an 80\/20 ring-spun cotton and polyester fleece with a 100% cotton face. It's garment-dyed to match its companion t-shirt, so a set looks like a set. The fit is a relaxed unisex crewneck, with ribbed cuffs and waistband. Each one is printed one at a time, to order.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e80\/20 ring-spun cotton and polyester fleece, with a 100% cotton face\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGarment-dyed to match the t-shirt, so a set looks like a set\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eRelaxed unisex crewneck, with ribbed cuffs and waistband\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePrinted one at a time, to order\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ch3\u003eAbout the design\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eA sloth howling at the moon is not urgency. It is arrival, eventually, on schedule. Everything about a sloth is deliberate: a grip that locks without effort, a coat that grows its own moss, a digestion that can take a month to finish a single leaf.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIt looks incapable of anything but hanging there. It is not. A sloth can cross a river faster than it crosses a lawn, and holds its breath longer than a dolphin. They say predators lose interest before it finishes moving. Slow is not the same as stopped.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Pepper \/ S","offer_id":58748302590216,"sku":"31473513579990683966","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pepper \/ M","offer_id":58748302622984,"sku":"18702626165847630897","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pepper \/ L","offer_id":58748302655752,"sku":"80316920596409956959","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pepper \/ XL","offer_id":58748302688520,"sku":"25357014347615895086","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pepper \/ 2XL","offer_id":58748302721288,"sku":"10430807657882103734","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pepper \/ 3XL","offer_id":58748302754056,"sku":"20650718215744255411","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1056\/9288\/9352\/files\/4042573024313062999_2048.jpg?v=1789660461"},{"product_id":"howling-sloth-tote","title":"Sloth - Tote bag","description":"\u003ch3\u003eAbout the garment\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis tote is cut from 100% cotton canvas in black, printed to order rather than pulled from a shelf. The artwork goes straight onto the canvas — no patches, no embroidery, just ink on cloth. Each one is made individually when you order it, not stocked in bulk ahead of time.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e100% cotton canvas, in black\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eThe design is printed straight onto the bag, not patched or embroidered\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePrinted one at a time, to order\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ch3\u003eAbout the design\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eSloths are not lazy. They are efficient to the point of insult. A sloth digests a single leaf for a month, climbs down only once a week to relieve itself, and lets algae take root in its fur. It looks fragile — thin limbs, slack grip — but it can hang motionless for hours and swivel its head nearly full circle without a sound.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMedieval bestiaries filed it under sin, certain it was too dull for ceremony. They say it howls anyway, on its own schedule, and the moon has learned to wait. Speed was never the point. You just noticed it last.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ 15\" x 16\"","offer_id":58748307570952,"sku":"30960106483510560274","price":14.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1056\/9288\/9352\/files\/8680549513614173941_2048.jpg?v=1789660482"}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1056\/9288\/9352\/collections\/sloth-collection-baa55c6a.jpg?v=1789502218","url":"https:\/\/moonhowlers.store\/collections\/howling-sloth.oembed","provider":"Moon Howlers","version":"1.0","type":"link"}